Sunday, 22 May 2011

When do you resort to Calpol?

Weekend at the in-laws and staying away at the moment is definitely not a holiday!  The girls cry whenever we go anywhere new or if anyone comes to visit us, but the crying fit they have when we arrive is short lived.  I’ve noticed that I don’t get to say a proper hello for at lest 10 minutes until the stereo twin siren has died down.  I didn’t manage a meaningful conversation with the in-laws because I spend most of the day trying to keep the dog away from them.  She wants to play and the only way to stop her is to stand up all the time.  Itchy narrowly misses a sharp paw, and I have to control the lioness in me that wants to drop kick the dog into the garden.  

Husband takes them out with him in the afternoon and I get an hours kip.

After an hours crying fit from Itchy I want them both to go to sleep at 7pm.  Try and put them to bed but they won’t sleep in their new surroundings.  Spend an hour humming Scarborough Fair which usually does the trick but the loud noises from family fun downstairs means that it takes me and hour and a half to get them to sleep.  I’m angry and am telling them to shut up and go to sleep.  I’m not proud of this but there’s only so many crying fits I can hear before I get really narked off.  They are teething so I try teething gels, teething powders.  Itchy also gets colic so I try Infacol and Gripe water, as well as a myriad of different positions. She’s screaming hard and it’s difficult to know if she’s crying cause she’s over-tired and angry or because she’s in pain.  I should have put them in the car as it calms them instantly but it doesn’t occur to me.  It is a brilliant trick though and I wonder if I’ve got travellers all wrong.  They’re not tax dodgers just desperate families trying to get their children to sleep. 

So I’m left in that position where I want to resort to Calpol but am not sure if it’s appropriate.  Obviously drugging your child to get to sleep is high up there in the bad parenting guide, but then again she may be in pain…  I weigh up this dilemma for about 5 mins and decide to give it to her in the hope it’ll calm her, which it does.  I feel guilty and that I’m using the calpol for my benefit more than hers, but thank God for peace finally.  Eat cake, wine and thank the Capol God before having an early night.

Anon-o-mum

Friday, 20 May 2011

Worst visit ever

Besides being ridiculously tired, today’s been pretty good.  The babies only had 4 screaming fits between them and I managed to hide away in the kitchen for an hour while Anon-o-dad looked after them.  It’s a new silent game between us where you try and slope off and get some much needed baby free time.  Sometimes the person left with Scratchy and baby Itchy gets so sucked into answering their demands that they forget you’re not there.  You can get good half an hour sometimes.

The biggest news is; I heard both babes properly laugh today, which was so lovely that I pulled my best baby play material out of the hat to hear more.  Who’d have thought that pretending to eat them would be such a hit.  But in my enthusiasm for more, I exhausted them and they screamed with over-tiredness – accounting for 2 of the screaming fits (incidentally one was from throwing a large block of cheese in the shopping trolley and scaring the life out of B.  Damn you Cathedral City family pack).  The laughs weren’t those cute gurgles or hearty giggle I’ve heard in adverts and more like Blakey from On The Buses…but never the less adorable.  It’s just as well as the last 3 days have been horrible, I deserved some payback.  Both babies had their first illness (at just over 4 months old) and so have been miserable. Running nose, diarrhoea and generally feeling rotten.   Not only have they both had screaming fits for 4 hours at a time (even with calpol) but they’ve stopped sleeping through the night…torture of all torture.  It had been going so well with; Scratchy sleeping at least 12 hours and Itchy sleeping 8-12 hours in one go.  I just hope it’s a blip as I’m not sure I can go back to 3-4 hourly feeds with twins again.

The worst day was Tuesday when Anon-o-dad’s aunty visited for the first time since they were born.  She doesn’t have children herself and I’m pretty sure she’s celebrating her life choice after a visit at ours.  The visit only lasted 12-3pm but no word of a lie they screamed the entire time.  We tried to engage in conversation at the start but quite quickly it descended into sympathetic looks and awkward glances at her watch.  When she left (and hour earlier than planned) I said “you’re never coming back are you?” and could tell from the non-committal sympathetic laugh that it was true.  We’ll be cast off to one off Christmas visits….or worse just a Christmas cards.  I’ve noticed that we’re loosing one sort of friendships but gaining another since the babies were born.  Energetic, youthful child free friends are fast being replaced by early-night loving, blank staring parents…and it’s fine by me.  I can’t compete with people who have alcohol tolerance and have slept 8 hours anymore.  I drank 2 glasses on Wednesday and still have a headache.

Anon-o-mum: Intro to Anon-o-mum

Anon-o-mum: Intro to Anon-o-mum: "I became a new mum this year to twins and wanted to write a brutally honest (and funny) account of what it's really like to become a parent...."

Intro to Anon-o-mum

I became a new mum this year to twins and wanted to write a brutally honest (and funny) account of what it's really like to become a parent.  Tired of other mums either lying about their remarkably advanced children, or others scaring you with how hard it all is...my goal is to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...and to make you laugh along the way.

If you're a mum yourself you'll probably relate to my experiences and if you're child-free and want to try before you buy...keep reading.  This may be a kick up the arse to get multiplying, or it may be the best contraception you'll ever have.

To make sure I'm not censoring myself I'm writing this completely anonymously.  I'm not even telling friends and family as they'll probably get a mention.

My two daughters are known as Itchy & Scratchy and my husband will be Anonodad....until I can think of something more appropriate and funny.

Enjoy.

Anon-o-mum