Thursday, 22 December 2011

All aboard the worry train

Highlights of today
-          Vomit free
-          Managed to apply make-up and straighten hair
-          Crud free clothing
Result.
When I was pregnant I ate some muscles on holiday and didn’t remember until I’d finished that shellfish is one of those dodgy foods that I should be avoiding, let alone shellfish from a rustic restaurant in Greece, which these unfortunately were.  No sooner had I finished the jumbo plate of fish, salad, chips, bread, half of Anonoman’s lamb,  chocolate cake, hot chocolate, ice cream, complimentary biscuits and the rest emergency mars in my handbag... that I started to worry incessantly about the shellfish  and if I’d done something to harm the babies.  In hind sight perhaps I should have worried gestational diabetes.  After a few days of playing worse case scenario in my mind, I called my sister (mum of 2 girls) who had these no nonsense words of wisdom to share: “Welcome to motherhood, you’ll worry about everything”.  It has turned out to be true.
My worry of du jour is that Itchy isn’t developing well physically.  I have the luxury of having a direct comparison in her twin, Scratchy, who’s now standing aided and able to hold her own weight.  Itchy is nowhere near.  When trying to get her to stand she protests by bringing her legs up into a full lotus like she’d rather levitate.  She complains vehemently when put on her front and her bouncing is a sight to behold.  There they are in those bouncers hanging off the door frame, Scratchy resembling Tigger and Itchy just twirling around on her big toe staring at the floor.  She has progressed to a sort of bounce but I’m worried that she won’t be normal, which is an illogical thing to think as how many healthy adults do you know who didn’t learn to walk.  I know all babies are different, develop in different ways and at different rates but it doesn’t do much to contain my bubbling anxiety that there’s a serious problem that I’ve not noticed just lurking in the shadows.  Now that an appointment has been made to see a specialist soon, she’s typically demonstrated that she can do a lot of the things that I was worrying about and they’ll probably just tell me she’s stubborn or the puppeteer to baby S’s activities.  Or worse...it’s just her personality.
My sister is right, motherhood is one worry after another.  If it’s not worrying about their slow weight gain, then it’s whether they’re diet is balanced enough, or how am I going to disguise a child levitating to school.  I’m not a nervy person or an insecure mum but looking back I’ve worried the whole time, and I think a low level of constant anxiety is not only common among new mums but unavoidable.  I recon that’s why I can’t help but secretly compare them to other babies and why when you get a gaggle of new mums together the chat is all about what stage their child is at.  On the outside It looks like they suffer from competitive mum syndrome but underneath they’re just checking to see if their child registers “normal”, “gifted” or the dreaded “special” on the healthy bouncing baby scale.  I’ve established that Itchy is firmly in “special”...but that’s because the scale specifically mentions bouncing.  If it were the MENSA scale then she’d be “gifted” obviously.