Wednesday, 15 August 2012

The straw that broke the mamma's back

I reckon I’m generally a calm parent.  I don’t get angry when they wake me up repeatedly at night and then just laugh in my face when I go into check on them.  I don’t get too stressed when they play up in public and I can feel people’s eyes boring through my back.  Tantrums from both the twins at the same time doesn’t ever phase me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Mother Teresa.  My internal dialogue can be full of the f word but I manage to remain calm on the surface, which is what counts.  But I’ve realised recently that I have my own personal kryptonite...and it comes in the shape of Weetabix.
I give them Weetabix in the morning and what they do with it makes my blood boil.  They both throw their spoons away, get a big handful and then smear it all in their hair.  Such a small thing, and something a lot of parents would laugh at and enjoy.  But I lose my rag every time.  It’s like they know it’s my weak point, and they just want to see my head explode for fun.  We’ve usually planned to see someone in the day and what pisses me off is that they always look so dirty and scruffy when we go out.  It looks like I neglect them.  Why not just put them back in the bath I hear you say?  If you’ve never tried before, bathing twins on your own is NOT easy.  When you’re drying one, the other one in variably falling over, running away, slipping on the wet and chipping their teeth.  It’s hell, and there’s no way I’m visiting the fiery depths twice in one day.
So I started to wonder if I was alone, or if other parents have an Achilles' heel.  A weak spot that if hit, they are reduce to spitting, stuttering and shouting.  I’m relieved to report that thanks to the reply I got from Twitter and Facebook, I’m not alone and I’ve included below what those kind individuals shared with me.  Thank you to all of them.

Janie Panie @ jatosha.typepad.com –Says what drives her nuts is her kids talking to her while she’s on the phone.  “EVERYTIME.  It’s like the phone is a beacon alerting the children to come and say mum mum mum”.
Twinstiaras&tantrums @twinstiarasblog – Hates it when she says her kids names about 20 times and they still ignore her. “ So bloody frustrating”
Clare (anon) – Clare told me that her twins now copy each other.  “If one tips their food out of their bowl and sticks it on their head, the other will do exactly the same thing.  It’s a Nightmare.  Two lots of dinner to clean up”.
S Bourne @LuckyTwinMumSam – “Mine is when they twist their body just as you go to stick the nappy tabs down.  I know what happens when nappies aren’t on right?  And that’s after I catch them first as they both scarper as soon as they see nappies and wipes.  Dirty Monkeys”.
Rachel (anon) – Finds the hardest thing is “just them physically hanging off me all the time.  GET OFF.”
Clare gray @clarebearswift – Can’t stand children clinging to her and “them not telling me what they want and just making a whining noise instead”
Anonoman – Feels like losing it “when they smack the keys on the laptop and mange to fuck something up.  Our wireless stopped working for weeks and they managed to turn Google upside down once”.
T (anon) – “I get really frustrated when the kids feed food into the video machine”.
Lucy Lattimore @loopnem – Found this whole process therapeutic I think because she kept coming back with more examples, which was great.  Here are hers.
“Mine is when they brush their teeth.  If they play up when foamy white goo is mid dribble I will throw the toothbrush in the sink in a fit of pure fury”
Swiftly followed by  - They need a comment after everything they say.  “I’m just going for a wee...I saaaid I’m just going for a wee... mum mum mum.  I SAID I’m just going for a wee”.  Me “Ok!”  Off they finally go”.
Her husbands weakest moment is when “the kids spill drinks when having dinner.  He jumps up from the table like someone just let out a wild animal.  When the fluid makes its way to the edge of the table, that’s it.  Nobody is friends.  We eat in silence not looking at each other.”

Thank you to all who shared.  I’d love to hear if you have anything to add to this list.  See it as therapy, we’re all friends here.

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