Wednesday, 12 September 2012

A complaint on behalf of the masses

To whom it may concern
I’m writing to inform you of the confusion your guidelines have made in my everyday life.  I find your system completely baffling and my brain fuses when trying to work simple things out like distance or measures in cooking – and I don’t think I’m the only one.  Let me explain.
I was taught to use cm’s and mm’s when growing up.  The metric system is a solid way to determine distances and I knew where I was with a meter stick, or a 30cm ruler.  But why when I’m using the TomTom in my car does it refer to distances in Yards?  I thought that was an old Imperial system that went out with the ark?  But TomTom is a relatively new product.  Is it making a comeback like shoulder pads?
To make things more confusing, it seems to me that cm’s and mm’s are only used in distances along the ground because when I measure my height it’s in feet and inches.  So was your intention for us to use cm’s horizontally, and feet and inches vertically.  This seems far too complicated to me.
Then the confusion extends to the kitchen.  I was taught to cook with pounds and ounces.  I understand what yummy goodness comes from 4oz flour, 2oz of sugar, 2oz of butter and 2 eggs.  Lovely cake.  But can you explain why some recipes are given in grams and kilos?  What kind of cakey mess would I produce if I followed this?  Is it trustworthy?  And why is it we buy milk and alcohol in pints, but all other fluids in millilitres?  I know where I am with a pint.  But when we had children and  had to start measuring out their formula in millilitres, it threw me for six.  Do you know how cruel it is to confuse a new mum with her whirling hormones and sleep deprivation?  I was a walking nurturer, not a flipping converter.
And WTF are cups?  I saw it in a recipe the other day.  Like pounds, ounces, grams and kilos aren’t enough choice for you, there’s now BLOODY CUPS!  Are you talking about a small cup?  Big cup?  Is it relative?  It is a special cup?  Egg cup?  I mean come on!  Give me a chance.
And then some knob jockey from your association has decided to introduce us to kilometres.  Are you serious?  I can remember that one is slightly less than the other...but I can’t remember which one. 
I’m not even going to start complaining about why you ensured we learnt our weights in stones and pounds and then just changed it to kilos on a whim one day.  Was that day April fools by any chance? 
Do you think your association is suffering from an identity crisis?  Or are just firing off new forms of measuring without communicating to one another?  Or is it secret option number three – you’re all on drugs, and just messing with us. 
Whatever it is, you need to sort this mess out soon before me head explodes.  And a word of warning, If you change the pound sterling, I swear I’ll come down there and kick your arse.


1 comment:

  1. And if I asked you how tall a horse was in hands, I guess that would tip you over the edge, yes?

    Great post!